You are a phase
A phase of breakfast by the vending machine 
Of play practices
Pictures with my friends
Stormy days
Public Buses 

You are the radio
Songs about love
My dreams

You are the first swallow of the Pill
The show playing in the background
The room bright and pink
The laundry I had to put away 

You are our first fight
A late night
My toilet and the bathroom floor
My vomit
My breathless sobs
My silent pain
And My fake smile the next day

You are the hot air of my island
The mosquitoes
The noisy fan
And the muffle cries of pain
The sultry air of Abuela’s bathroom
And the restless night

You are the next day
My involuntary quiet
The texts
The memory loss
I don’t remember myself.
Only you. 

You are my phone.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.
The fights.
The vomit.
The silent suffering. 

Smile mami cannot know.
You are my phone.

You are the reason I picked it up.
You are the reason I read. 

You are my false hope.
“I love you..
We will get through this”

You are my late nights.
My worry.
My despair.
I cannot find air. 

You are my foggy memory.
I can’t remember anything
Anything but You. 

You are my phone.
I can’t put you down.
I can’t escape. 

You are my brush.
My arm.
My imbalance.
My phone.
Where is my phone?

You are fights.
You are an enemy.
You are someone I love.

Who am I?
What is left of me?

You are the reason I don’t leave.

One thought on “2020

  1. Kelsey Milian (she/her/hers)

    Isamar… this is a powerful poem. Please submitt this to a writing contest! The imagery is short and concise. I follow it like a memory, that seems to be yours. These relationships are hard to let go, they teach us so much,we live through so much.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

* Copy This Password *

* Type Or Paste Password Here *