As a child, I just wanted to be an adult, but now, at 19 years old, I find myself torn between yearning for the simpler days of my childhood when my only concerns revolved around acquiring the bag of chips I craved to enjoying the freedom and individually that came with getting older.

While the worries of my younger self may have seemed trivial, I’ve come to realize that there was much more going on beneath the surface. Although I’m an immigrant and a first-generation student, my experiences differed from those who shared my background. This may have been due to the fact that I was the second child in my family, with the majority of the responsibilities falling on my older sister’s shoulders. Whenever there were issues with bills or important phone calls requiring translation, my parents invariably turned to my sister for assistance. Observing her consistently stepping up left me with a growing sense of inadequacy, accompanied by thoughts like, “Why don’t they ever ask me?” or “Am I not capable?” These feelings compelled me to go out of my way to help others, regardless of the nature of the problem or the person in need.

I also struggled to stand out academically, especially when compared to my sister, who had become one of the first girls in our small community to gain entry into a specialized high school. Expectations naturally arose for me to follow in her footsteps, but I failed to do so. Attending the same middle school she did, I found myself constantly measured against her, and the pressure to live up to her achievements eroded my self-esteem. But can you blame me? To be like her would mean filling in huge holes that would take me a lifetime. My insecurities deepened, and I became my own harshest critic, convinced that I simply wasn’t good enough. Yet, I yearned to prove to everyone, including myself, that I possessed intelligence and the capacity to attain significant accomplishments. Thus began my journey of dedicating myself to academics, with school and outstanding grades becoming the core of my identity.

While my initial motivation for helping others and pursuing challenging courses was to prove my worth to others, I eventually found genuine satisfaction in being of assistance to others. It was no longer about being someone, but rather the pride I felt in being able to make a difference in someone’s life. Learning new things also became a source of immense joy, it was something like a treasure hunt, it was about the pleasure of gaining knowledge. My sister was my unwavering support, always by my side, and encouraging me to be my own person. She believed in my unique qualities and talents, urging me to embrace them. Her faith in my individuality was a guiding force that helped me overcome self-doubt and confidently pursue my own path in life. Looking ahead, I want to be just as unwavering as her, be there for others, and relish the process of learning every day, recognizing that the pursuit of knowledge and compassion is its own reward. I aspire to continue supporting and understanding people, fostering empathy, and becoming a true people person.