Poem by Sabreen Qaisar
With sway of swing, my thoughts were going back and forth
In spring, when clouds were playing with sun and sky was turning pink
I was immersing in ambivalence
In a place full of amusement, I was alone with my voice echoing in my ears
“The more we grew together,
The more we grew apart.”
I remembered the first time I felt happy with my incomplete family
Immigration turned out to be a brutal beauty
I remembered the first time, I felt alone with a smile on my face
I remembered the first time I found out my worth
I remembered the first time when my life was snatched from me and passed
The terror I felt from a stranger’s call, “Your mother has fainted”
I felt myself in a dark that no could pull me out of
All I wished for was to wake her up, I could rewind the time, I could have walked with her, I could have given her an extra kiss
I remembered the joy I felt when she opened her eyes
I remembered the first time I came across the truth that now I have to fight my own battles
To keep my mother always happy
And then the frustration of losing bones grew in me like a moth
I was forced to accept the bitter culture of marriage, “when girls get married, they only belong to the new home”
My existence was shattered in a few moments like it never existed
To my friend all that mattered she was her batter half
I remembered the first time I found my strength encoding anger and reality
All the expectations faded away with a hit of egos
I remembered the first time when conceit had to suffer
As the body was long ago buried
The helplessness and vulnerability
The urge to get instant relief
But all that was left was suffering
Immigration turned out to be a brutal beauty
I tried to weigh the pain and happiness
It turned out to be equal
If I’m happy, I must be alone
If I’m sad, I must be smiling
All the recollections whispered only one thing in my ears”
“The more we grew together,
The more we grew apart.”
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