Colorism in Academia

Not only has COVID-19 kind of shook us all in terms of preparedness and our education but our lives also. We were told to watch a live distributed by the CUNY Graduate Center, and it really made me sad thinking about it and watching the recording of the live because our realities are actually being addressed. Ever since the pandemic sprouted, I remember how I was so excited school was going to end early and everything would be online and would be much easier. When we got the email we were ecstatic, and by “we” I mean my fellow QC peers and friends. However, in less than two weeks I was kicked out of the dorms, my only form of shelter right now since I was homeless and was forced to move into my fiancé parents house which I mentioned feels like a burden. My job also, as I was an essential worker, felt honestly terrrible working because I made less than those on unemployment. Like I remember during the pandemic, I was working almost full time, and made $3k by the time non essential business opened but my friends made $15k. ARE YOU SERIOUS? Academia changed vastly too and though last semester was fairly easy this semester as informal as it may sound is trash!

Throughout my college career, I have yet to have a black professor. In fact, most of my professors have been white in which some depended on their longevity working under the CUNY system. It saddens me because after watching that live it made me realize my prospective POV’s or the information I was educated with came from one source which were white people. The inequality not only in the hiring process but the staff is clearly presented with this factoid. So imagine, I go out into the world and how uneducated or how misled I might be on certain topics. I mean being Gen Z it is my responsibility to educate myself which is how I plan on giving back to the community. However, we do not need to rely on others to educate us. We do not need to limit our selves just to pure education but WE NEED TO ACT! We need to participate and inject our support in BLM activism, protests and conversations. We need to be able to call out certain discrimination we see within the system and not be afraid to bring it up to the board attention. I personally feel as college students a lot is going against us but if we change our course of direction, we would have a lot going for us.

I Don’t Even Know Where To Begin

I’m actually on campus writing this post. Its weird, the library is so much quieter, I can only see two other people on this floor with me, and they’re not social distancing. I came to campus not only because of my class I have later today, but I really needed to catch up on school work. Ive been so behind, don’t you guys agree? A lot of professors have been giving out one chapter a day vs one chapter a week. Do I consider it unfair? Yes. Do I think that they are over compensating themselves with the amount of work being given out? Totally. Will that change anything? Probably not. I’ve been so out of it. My mental health health has been declining slowly over the past month.



Some of you may not know this about me, but I actually am homeless. Ive been couch surfing for two years. Right now I am stying with my fiancé’s and his parents but even they’re starting to make me feel like a burden. I mean I don’t blame them imagine your son brings home a lost puppy but this time they brought a whole human! It really has contributed towards my self worth, because anything I seem to do isn’t good enough. In-laws, am I right? It has decreased y rate of productivity and I used to invest all that emotional energy into schoolwork but now that its online it doesn’t seem fun anymore. It’s like the negative emotion Ive been feeling from them has intercepted in every room in the house. So I lock myself in my fiancé’s room hoping I don have to deal with any of them. My friends are distant. Usually. I’m the friend that contributes to therputic/venting conversations. However, where are they when I need fixing? I again, don’t blame them because what can they really say? As rude as it may sound, I don’t quite care that they are their for me? It just seems like filler or what you should be saying to someone going through rough patch.

I’m okay guys! Trust me, I have MDD and BPD so these moods/episodes is my norm. COVID-19 sucks huh?