“Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”

That’s the book they gave you after graduating from elementary school, congratulating you on the completion of arduous assignments that involved a lot of glue sniffing. Mmm *sniff.*

Now I’m waiting to finish my third year of college. Guess I didn’t really go anywhere…I’m still here. Brooklyn College has well equipped me with the tools needed for an abundant professional career. I’m most excited to employ what I learned from that one class where we analyzed Classic literature! The best form of revenge against a guy who did you dirty is to birth his child and team up with IT to dethrone him. Can you tell that I really don’t want children?

My worst fear is being a mother. I’m already envisioning three crying kids with a whiff of that cheap car freshener smell. I really hate poop. I really don’t want to clean someone’s poop. I’m not good with biofluids. I have great respect for people who want to be parents and can actually be good parents. The thing is, I think that everyone is bound to screw up as a parent in some way. My ex-situationship would talk about how he wanted kids (he’s nineteen). First red flag.

Back to what I want to be rather than what not to be. I just really don’t want to be a non-playable character. I already wake up everyday feeling like one now, so hopefully I get to grow out of that. Maybe one day I’ll be just like Clytemnestra or like Anne Boleyn! I’ll be a powerful woman with a deep-seated vindictiveness! That American Studies degree will come in handy with orchestrating an insurrection. It’s not like this country has ever had one. I’d be an innovator! *If this is ever used against me in court, I’m clarifying that this is a joke* It’ll be for the greater good–I promise!

Anyways, I will never let the public know what my dreams are. I don’t want to block my blessings. Peace out!

This entry is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International license.